Author: Jennifer

New Beginnings

After Christmas passed, and family visitors took their leave, my husband and I came down very sick. I ran myself down in the ground preparing for Christmas and family visiting. I did not get any rest. When family arrived and thru their stay with us, I gutted it out and gave all I could. It was a wonderful visit that I will cherish forever. I willingly paid the price to risk being sick for an opportunity to hold our newest grandson, and visit with my daughter and son in law. My energy levels before Christmas was a “5” on a scale of 100 on my smartwatch and they never did rise throughout Christmas week.

Earlier in December I had a chemotherapy treatment that resulted in low neutrophils. To counteract this, I was placed on 3 growth factor shots a week to force my bone marrow to grow more white blood cells. My lymphocytes, (Fighter T Cells), were also very low. The first week I was to start up the 3 shots. There was a hang up over insurance, so instead of 3 shots, I received 2 shots. The following week, I cancelled a shot because my family was arriving that day and I felt I had to stay home and prepare, putting finishing touches on the house. I was once again shorted a growth factor shot.

As a result of not slowing down, and me not having enough neutrophils to fight infection, the flu bug rampant, both my husband and I came down very sick with upper respiratory infections. To add to this and sheer exhaustion, my hands became inflamed with hand-foot syndrome, one of the side effects of chemotherapy. My hands turned purple-red, became swollen and tight, blisters threatening to break out. My hands felt as if they were on fire all the time.

The weekend after Christmas, I went to bed at 6 pm and slept for 20 hours. My energy levels were still reflecting a “5” out of a hundred on my smartwatch and my body inside undergoing severe stress. My husband and I missed 2 weeks of Church as we were forced to remain housebound. I finished my one year read the Bible through plan and seemed to lose direction of what I should do next in studying the Bible. My prayers became brief and I did not read the Bible for several days. I was missing the two most vital components of a Christian: To read the Bible and Pray. I barely noticed the New Year coming in and on our 41st anniversary we had to delay our celebratory dinner date.

A curious thing started to happen through our sickness. Our Lab-Malinois Shepherd started exhibiting strange behavior. She was scared to go into our bedroom. Her bedding is in our bedroom and she is six years old and never had a problem before. We cajoled her, and begged her and tried to take her by the collar but she wasn’t going. Her eyes seemed to be fixed on an unknown object and I started guessing of what could have started her paranoia. I finally had to get a leash and gently through positive motivation to half drag her to her bedding in our bedroom. She’s always had a heightened sensitivity level.

After the New Year was ushered in, we were still sick, my dog still refusing to go into our bedroom. I remembered a few nights ago when I paused to watch on Christian Network TV, a woman blessing the rooms of her home, physically touching the doorframes and touching her countertops and her TV, asking for the Lord’s blessing and protection.

A small urging came unbidden in my heart. Why don’t you ask for God’s blessing and protection in your own home? I did so. I placed my hands on my bedroom doorframe and asked for God’s provision, protection and blessing. I got a plan together on how I will study God’s Word in 2026 and I started praying again, lengthening my prayers to pray for others.

A miracle happened! I finally turned a corner in my sickness getting stronger and gaining energy, (56 out of a hundred on my smartwatch), and the pain in my hands have subsided considerably. My husband turned a corner in his sickness too! Zoey, our Lab-Malinois, without any prodding was once again, after a couple of weeks of her bizarre behavior, was entering and exiting our bedroom as if nothing had happened!

A coincidence? I think not! There are no coincidences with God. Could Zoey have seen an evil spirit? Certainly, in my sickness, I was not reading the Bible or praying as I should have, leaving us vulnerable to a spiritual attack. Our defenses were down in our sickness allowing a demon to gain entry into our home.

The heaviness I’ve been feeling has been lifted and I feel lighter and more connected with God! Folks, this is only the 6th day into the new year and we’ve been tested severely, coming through the fire. This is because of God’s protection. Bring on 2026! With God, all things are possible! I pray for God’s blessings, protection and provision over your lives for 2026. Amen and Amen 🙏

”Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Psalm 91:14-16 NIV

Treasures of Darkness

On March 26, 2024, snow flurries came to us that day. A surprise snow system. I was in a funk because my cancer treatment was delayed yet again due to low neutrophils. My body was too weak to maintain the chemotherapy schedule that would kill the cancer.

To relieve pent up frustration, I decided to take the opportunity and walk my dogs around the village for there was a break in the snow flurries. As I walked my dogs around the village, there was no activity and it was very quiet. I felt wretched and cried out to God pouring out my pain and frustration.

Suddenly, the snow flurries that had stopped started coming down again, faster, harder, pelting me. I was not prepared for wet weather, I had a thin jacket on and no gloves. But it seemed appropriate for it matched my wretchedness. I fully believe the Holy Spirit sent it.

I’ve come to realize that there must be snow and hail in life to help me grow spiritually. Through hardship comes a dependency on Jesus, for I am not in control of anything. I have a friend going through her own trial with a degenerative spine disease as well as other potentially serious medical conditions that need to be addressed. I know of several fellow Church members being struck down with cancer and grappling with their disease. It’s a battle against supernatural powers that are trying to destroy us.

I ask the Lord for His hidden treasures such as Understanding, Wisdom, cultivating the fear, (Reverence), of God, the Knowledge of God and His Word. These things God gives us if we seek and ask Him. God is generous and He will give what we ask for abundantly. We will find powerful spiritual truths living God’s way of life. No evil will destroy our spirit. We may not understand the whys of things. Perhaps we are not to focus on the whys but know God gives us His treasures, (revelations), that are hidden until He deems the truths to be revealed. As we go through the trial, the Lord will give us tools in His arsenal to fight the spiritual battle at just the right time as we seek out these treasures to down our foe.

Lord, I pray out of the snow that I may receive your hidden treasures and know you navigate my life and I will trust in You.

”Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, which I reserve for these times of trouble, for days of war and battle?”
Job 38:22

”I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”
Isaiah 45:3 NIV

God is still close

My husband and I were talking about the circumstances of the Israelites when God led them out of Egypt and they wandered the desert for forty years , when logistically it was a short three week walk to the Promise Land. Why did God lead them around in circles for forty years in the desert? One of the reasons for the delay to the Promise Land was the Israelites were a stiff neck people, who complained about their circumstances. I wondered how could not the Israelites see and be thankful for the miracles God gave them? The Israelites clothes and sandals never wore out, they received manna to pick every morning for their food, there was a pillar of fire to guard them at night, and during the day a cloud was over them to shield them from the sun. God gave them water to drink, and when the Israelites complained about their not having meat but just manna, (angel food), God provided meat in the form of quail. I mused, oh, how I wish God was more tangible in our lives in this present age!

Then a small voice came unbidden to my heart, whispering, I am providing miracles that are all around you. I am close to you and live within you, are you paying attention? I really had to ponder this revelation. Are we so caught up in this noisy, computer, TV world that we have shut out God? Have we lost our sensitivity to the miracles God performs for us and are our senses on the spiritual level become dull?

God has shown up for me in many ways. He alerted my husband through technology, a cell phone, to come check on me when I was having a breakdown at 1:00 am in the morning. When I lost my phone on a rural country road and spent 2 days and nights looking for it vainly, I poured out my frustration and angst to the Lord. Just as I finished my prayer, my flashlight hit on a black screen and it was my cell phone! Coincidence? I don’t think so! God’s timing takes my breath away. There were the times listening to the TV Christian station, the pastor had a message that was tailored made for me in the moment I needed to hear it. Or when I needed encouragement and energy to perform a strenuous task for that day and my morning daily devotional gave me the message of the Holy Spirit to be a wind, (Ruach), at my back, to unfurl my sails and rise to the challenge of the day. And the energy was given to me!

So many times in my life God has shown up and has given me tangible miracles to let me know He is there. There are no coincidences. He has given His angels charge over me; to lift me up so my foot doesn’t strike a stone and to guard me in all my ways.

Could it be that being stiff necked has us aimlessly wandering in our own deserts, our senses dulled to His miracles? How do we get our sensitivity of spirit back to being in sync with the Lord? I believe we need to be in conversation, (prayer), with Him several times a day. We need to read His Word, (the Bible), to ponder, memorizing and meditating on His Word. We need to be thankful in all of our circumstances, especially the tribulations, for the Lord is growing us up and guiding us on the pathway to see us through. This is how we sensitize our spirits to be an open conduit to His presence and receive His miracles . God is as close to us as we allow Him to be.

”The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here Elijah?””

1 Kings 19:11-13

After Glow Contentment

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Today is a day filled with laughter and joy, enjoying each other’s company. It is a day of sending texts to family and friends who couldn’t be with you on this day to let them know you love them and wish them a special day to partake with their loved ones, and let them know that they are in your heart.

After all the preparation work, of buying the food, preparing the food, decorating, feeling stressed, cleaning up, there’s a moment right before we dive into all the delicious food that was prepared, when people lift up a collective prayer to the Lord giving thanks for His providence and love, realizing that God has mightily blessed us!

I am grateful for this day. After all the leftovers are given out or put up, dishes done, family and friends saying their goodbyes and taking leave, a deep contentment sweeps over me. God is still in His Heaven and is in control. A moment to cherish each others company without discord and enjoy fellowship with each other as God would have us do, to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

For a short time, on Thanksgiving, our busy lives are put on hold as we reflect on the goodness of God. Let’s try to carry over thankfulness everyday even when the seas become rough forcing us to go through challenges. For God watches over you! Lift up your voice in praise knowing with confidence that God will see you through your days giving you peace beyond understanding, a contentment, and a hope for a future in Jesus.

”Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth .  Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful  songs.

Know that the Lord is God.  It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep  of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.

For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;

His faithfulness continues through all generations.”
                                   Psalm 100 NIV

about nothing

Several times in my life I would make much ado about worrying over my cancer diagnosis, my treatments, finding out that the cancer has returned. There is nothing that worry can solve! It is a normal reaction, but at some point it becomes necessary to get on and live your life. I can only do that in Jesus. Jesus saves and He is everything.

I was listening to Pastor Jentezen Franklin’s message in Mark 5:22-43, about a dead girl who was the 12 yr old daughter of Jarius, a synagogue ruler. The story in the Bible portrays Jarius falling at Jesus’ feet pleading earnestly to heal his daughter from dying. As Jarius was leading the way to his house, a multitude of people followed them. A sick woman with a blood issue stopped Jesus and she was divinely healed. But it delayed Jesus’ arrival to Jarius’s house. When they arrived they were met with family and mourners, wailing that the little girl was dead. Jesus saw the commotion of the wailers and told Jarius just to believe. Jesus then allowed a few of his apostles , and the parents to come into the child’s bedroom . Jesus took the little girl’s hand and said the sweetest words, “Little girl, get up!” Immediately, the little girl got up and walked around. Jesus ordered the family not to say anything and to get the child something to eat.

I take away a few points to ponder from this story:

That all the fretting, worrying and crying of the wailers did not heal the little girl of her sickness. It is self defeating, wasting our energy when we could put our energies into positive things such as taking a proactive approach to our health, focusing on others, and connecting to God on a deeper level by praising, praying and reading His Word.

The Waiting Season: It is hard to be in a waiting season with the Lord. But Jesus’ timing is perfect. In the waiting it grows our faith and maturity in the Lord. Jarius had to wait on the Lord when Jesus stopped to heal the woman with the blood disease. The woman with the blood disease waited over 12 years for her healing! And it always impresses me that Jarius waited patiently while Jesus healed the woman. We are asked to have faith in Jesus, to trust and believe in Him! When worrying wants to take over, it becomes a tiresome burden. It just becomes a revolving door. When I lay down my fears and worries at His feet, I feel a huge burden lifted off of me, and a feeling of blessed peace takes over.

Finally, when Jesus healed the little girl, He commanded to give her something to eat. I like to think not only to replenish nourishment but also give a sense of normalcy in getting back into daily activity. It would be wonderful not to worry about the Big “C” always looming in the background and I’ve often bemoaned what does it feel like to feel my normal self again? Maybe I can’t totally go back and feel like my old self again; in hindsight the growth and closer walk with the Lord so enriched my life that I would not trade it for all the riches in the world! I believe Jesus can give us our food of nourishment both physically and spiritually so we can find rest and healing for our bodies and souls. Get used to a better normal with Jesus!

Thank you Lord for hearing my cry, lifting me out of the miry pit and setting me on your rock, guiding me through the dark.

We are not stuck

I have just finished 10 rounds of radiation on the side of my left neck. It has been very painful. Not only that, my small intestine is inflamed causing sharp pains in my abdomen. I’ve been thrashing in pain in the night hours, wishing the pain would cease.

In the hours of your suffering, God is there to see you through your valley. It will not last forever my friend.

A trial and testing time becomes a proving ground that strengthens our faith in the Lord. Even when we go into the fire such as those three Hebrew lads, Jesus was in the midst with them. Those three lads walked out of the fire unsinged, not a smell of smoke on them or their clothes; no soot to be found on them. They have come through the fire by the grace of Jesus Christ.

The same can be said for us! When we go through our own trials, temptations, pain and suffering, Jesus is in the midst! He gives us the strength to carry on and we walk out of our trial victorious!

Give Him the glory and praise, It always amazes me that when we turn away from our misery and focus on the Lord how perspective comes back into focus. How wonderful it is when we are able to give our cares, our pain, our anxieties and temptations to Him we will find rest for our souls.

Because He will take care of us.

”Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

and Fully Loved

There’s a feeling to go in protective mode to protect your inner self, and not be fully forthcoming to others about the real person you are concerning sharing the tribulations of sickness and suffering we all experience. There can be a sense of reticence to share with others – for doesn’t everyone have their own share of problems? So we tend to bear pain, worry and anxiety in silence.

This cannot be good for our mental health, acting like we are okay when we’re not. It is so tiring to keep up the stiff upper lip persona when in actuality we need human connection to walk and pray with us as we face our battles. It is so freeing to confide in a trusted group of friends, and that act of caring we receive does wonders for one’s morale, mental health, physical and spiritual well being.

In my life, I chose to share my journey with cancer with others and be open about it. My Church has surrounded me, anointing me with oil and prayers for healing. My family, friends and people I don’t even know prays regularly for me. I thank God constantly for prayers of these caring people because:

“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20 NIV

I encourage you if you are going through a hardship, reach out to people you trust, such as your Church, your family and friends. It is so humbling to hear that you have been placed on prayer lists because their requests are being sent up to the realms of Heaven to God’s throne room.

As we open ourselves up to others we receive the knowledge of others going through their own valley. This is a great opportunity to pray for the person for healing and strength. It is a privilege to pray for others and watch their healing process continue. Plus it does get us out of focusing only on ourselves and to fully love others.

”What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with glory and honor.” Psalm 8:4-5 NIV

Gear up for Battle and fight the good fight

This week I started 10 radiation treatments to destroy the tumor ball in my left neck. The distance where I lived to the oncology radiation clinic is 69 miles, approximately one hour and twenty six minutes one way, driving back and forth for ten days, putting 1380 miles on my vehicle. To add to this, I have a separate health issue with my stomach that ramps up with pain in the night hours, throwing another obstacle in front of me.

I tell you this because I truly believe it is a battle with the enemy. The enemy wants to make it as difficult as he can for you to be unsuccessful in your life. Whatever hardships in your life, the devil wants you to be defeated and destroy you.

It’s easy to have self defeating thoughts, and give up, but I encourage you to have faith in God, He will go out before you to fight! The battle is already won, if you have faith and believe in Him, God will see you through the battle.

In the Bible, in the book of Judges, it was a time before kings, A king would bring the people together by providing leadership, law and order and unite the people, Since there were no kings, men did what was right in their own eyes and lived evilly. God raised up judges to be a leader and save His people from destruction.

One of my favorite judges was a woman named Deborah. In the 4th Chapter of Judges, the Israelites did evil in the sight of God and God allowed the Israelites enemies to take them over in captivity for twenty years. The commander of their King Jabin, named Sisera, cruelly oppressed the Israelites, they cried out to the Lord for help. Deborah was a prophetess and the leader in Israel at the time. She held court to settle disputes between the Israelites . She sent for Barak, an Israelite Commander and political figure, to give him a message from the Lord commanding him to lead an army of ten thousand men to lure Sisera, Commander of King Jabin’s army to the Kishon River and give him into Barak’s hands.

Commander Barak told Deborah, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.” “Very well,” Deborah said, “I will go with you. But because of the way you are going about this, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will hand Sisera over to a woman.” (Judges 4:8-9)

Deborah went with Barak and the Israel army to fight Sisera and his army. When the timing was right, Deborah said to Barak, “Go! This is the day the Lord has given Sisera into your hands. Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?” Judges 4:14.

The battle was indeed won. The Lord routed Sisera and his army and his nine hundred chariots by the sword, where Sisera abandoned his chariot and fled on foot. The enemy armies were defeated by sword, not one man standing and Sisera was killed when he hid in Jael’s tent, mistakenly believing on the friendly relations between King Jabin and the Kenite clan. “On that day God subdued Jabin, the Canaanite king, before the Israelites. And the hand of the Israelites grew stronger and stronger against Jabin, the Canaanite king, until they destroyed him.” Judges 4:23-24

I tell you this story from the Bible because the problems we have in life sometimes seem insurmountable. God expects you to step up and fight! He will win the war, but God expects you to partner with Him and be willing to do your part by stepping onto the battlefield and fight! Take courage, believe, step out in faith, doing your part, and the battle will belong to the Lord.

The Lord fights my battles! If God is for us who can be against us? We serve a living God.

”All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and He will give all of you into our hands.” 1 Samuel 17:47

Fight the good fight of faith

Life is so uncertain! Believe it or not, I feel one of the advantages to having a long term disease is a feeling of urgency to live every day for God, because my days on earth may be cut short. Before cancer, I was one of those people who was lulled into a false sense of security and complacency. I believe in God and know that Jesus died on the cross to save me, but I wasn’t giving Him my full attention; I wasn’t dialed into Him like I should be. However, I became laser focused on Jesus after receiving my first cancer diagnosis. After I received treatment and the cancer was suppressed I began to take my eyes off of Jesus – again, as the world lured me back to focus on earthly things.

Like a cold bucket of water that was poured over me, I found out the cancer came back stronger, my eyes and heart turned back to Jesus. I am so grateful and thankful that even though I am faithless, (in practice), God will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself,
(2 Timothy 2:13)

Through my trial, I have matured exponentially in the Lord and am trying to listen to the small still voice of the Holy Spirit in how better to serve the Lord and live for Him. One thing I have struggled with is that I have a strong impression to write my experiences down to be a living testimony for the Lord. I’ve written in journals, and started writing a book, but I always seemed to come to a road block and quit.

One night, I was listening to a sermon from Joseph Z, who prophesies. All of a sudden he looked intently at the TV monitor and said God moved him to speak this message: “Yes, your children will be saved and write the book God wants you to write.” I took his message to heart as I believe it was the voice of the Holy Spirit, speaking to me through Pastor Joseph Z. I have been burdened daily to pray fervently for my children and children’s children to be saved in the Lord Jesus Christ. I realized I also have to be obedient to His will, so I started writing a blog to be a testimony for Jesus Christ. My hope is that this will be a step forward into fulfilling God’s will.

I want to let you know that Jesus is there! He loves you and gave his life for you. It is the greatest gift of all, His gift,(free gift), of grace that you simply accept. Come as you are, believe in Him, confess your sins, and be transformed into a new creature, a new person. I am here to testify that there is the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 NIV

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God… For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.
2Timothy 1:6-7 NIV

Pursue and fight the good fight of faith.

In Trying Times

On a Tuesday afternoon in October, I had a follow up visit with a referral gynecologist who after reading the results of my medical tests informed me I had Endometrial Carcinosarcoma, a rare aggressive cancer. On the outside I felt fine; I looked okay and didn’t feel any obvious symptoms, (except for the bleeding), pointing me to say this is life threatening. The look on the doctor’s face and his staff was full of compassion as he told me he was able to get me in on Friday that week to see an oncologist surgeon. I received the time and date of meeting my new oncologist surgeon, Friday at 6:00 pm in El Paso, approximately 90 miles away from home. Just the fact that I was being rushed to see a specialist told me I was in serious trouble.

I was in a mechanical state of mind as I thanked the doctor and told him that God is with me. I walked out of his office and into the elevator that would take me down to the lower level leading me out to the parking lot. Something happened to me emotionally as I walked out to my car. I was emotionally processing the ramifications of this doctor visit, and as I got into my car and looked around, the world seemed unchanged around me. Everybody was going about their business, a regular day. Except for me. I was just informed that I had rare aggressive cancer. Finally, some emotion started breaking through. I called my husband and could not get a hold of him. The message machine recited that Larry did not set up his voicemail. So I hung up and called my mother who thankfully was available and I was able to share tears and prayers for strength. When I got home, I shared the news with my husband and he was in shock as much as I.

That Friday evening after driving and fighting rush hour traffic in El Paso, we arrived at 6 pm to speak with my referral oncologist surgeon. After examining me, and going over medical reports, he confirmed I had a tumor ball in my uterus. He scheduled a surgery date and follow up bloodwork.

By the time we got home that Friday night, now Saturday morning, it was after midnight. We were so exhausted and it was 1 am by the time we went to bed. My husband collapsed in his chair in the living room as I went on to bed. I soon heard snoring coming from the other room but I couldn’t sleep. I was seized with terror. I was facing my own fears and mortality. Never had I felt more alone. I began shaking violently like someone going through hyperthermia and could not stop. The stress of the week finally caught up and I was going through a bad reaction. I thought about waking my husband, but didn’t want to disturb him sleeping because he was so exhausted.

All of a sudden, my husband’s phone rang. Larry had placed his phone on the console by the door. I heard it ring and was amazed that it woke my husband up and that he actually got up to check it. Miracle #1. Then as he was checking it, a mechanical voice sounded out, “Voice call from Jennifer.” Miracle #2. My husband walked to my bedroom and said, “Jennifer, do you need me?” I cried out, YES! I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME! My husband got in bed with me, wrapped his arms around me as we rebuked the devil and lifted up prayers to the Lord. My violent shaking stopped and I was able to find rest both physically and spiritually for my soul.

I realized that the Holy Spirit woke up my husband after 1 am on Saturday morning to let him know that his wife needed help. I remembered the attempted call I made to him on that Tuesday afternoon, when I couldn’t leave a message and simply hung up. The fact that between Tuesday afternoon and Saturday early morning, my husband received the phone message exactly when I needed him most.

God is there! He has walked with me on this road for the last 4 years. There have been wins and losses, but through it all His grace is sufficient and I know I am not alone.

If anyone is walking in their own dark valleys, remember God is there walking with you, His rod and staff will comfort you as He holds your hand!

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. Psalm 56:3-4 NIV